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Experiencing denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a definite “Nope.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced submitting manuscripts half a century past, just after finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and countless short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Overall, rejections throughout my life run into thousands. By now, I could claim a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Far from it. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: Now, almost every person and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, an editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before approving one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my book idea before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor requested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, every no stung. I felt attacked. I believed my writing was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would editors be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and the magazine is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at them, followed by self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have recently run a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the reader feels I lack the credentials or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the work I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my work too fast to see its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Any work can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved widely published. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in magazines big and little, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

However, no major hits, no signings in bookshops, no appearances on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily take no at 73, because my, admittedly modest achievements have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be educational, but provided that you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will likely just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What lessons have I acquired?

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